Friendship for lifetime

It's that time of year again, when schoolgirl wrists are lined with colourful bands, often all the way up to their elbows, to represent the circle of friends that encompass schoolgirl worlds.

But it's not a tradition we carry with us into adulthood, and perhaps in the scheme of things, dropping it into the basket of 'leave behind' allows us to pick up other shiny objects from the basket for grown-ups.

But grown-ups have a lot of things on their minds — careers and house loans, laundry chores and grocery errands, babies and education funds. And friends often don't make the list. Friends must take a backseat to the grind of daily routine.

It's a loss that we learn to live with, and don't really miss. But what are we really losing out on? Does friendship merely represent an ear to hear our stories? Is it just someone to be silly with, to regress over memories of simpler times?  Not to belittle these things at all, but friendships can be so much more; more than sharing stories, and cups of tea. They can be about sharing lives, about shaping destinies, and drawing the path to who we eventually become.

Many of history's most exceptional individuals would not have accomplished the things they did, without their circle of friends. Ernest Hemingway's friendship with the writer and poet, Gertrude Stein, and the many hours they spent together in her galleries in Paris, discussing art and her experiments with writing, is said to have influenced him tremendously. Much of his technique and style is the result of their friendship, and  critics say she is present in his novels, long after their friendship dissolved.

Abraham Lincoln's friendship with Joshua Speed is one that was instrumental in the formation of Lincoln's politics. They met when Lincoln was 27 years old, and remained friends until his death in 1865. And it was with Joshua Speed that he first shared his thoughts on slavery. Policy, administration and emancipation were subjects they discussed extensively in their letters to each other, and while they were not always in agreement on many issues, it is without doubt that these conversations were pivotal in the creation of Lincoln's legacy.

Another duo whose friendship left a lasting impression on each other's lifeworks, were C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien. Their friendship has spawned much analysis on the influence of each writer on the other. Both shared a common love of language and storytelling, poetry, myth, religion, and long walks. Their personal relationship developed slowly, and as their friendship grew, they became each other's first readers.  While their friendship eventually turned into rivalry, neither Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia, nor Tolkien's Lord of the Rings would be what they are today, without the other writer's stimulus, through both criticism and praise.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, the American poet and philosopher, whose insights have always struck a chord, observed that it takes a long time to grow an old friend. And while one of the blessings of old friends is that you can afford to be stupid with them, he also pointed out that a friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature.

Amen to that.

Good friends are hard to come by, so hold on to them with both hands.